Forever Piercing You
by Konetsu
Summary: One shot. Gumi's true thoughts about herself, and what she really thinks. Those scissors she holds will forever be piercing her, and she'll always know just how much of a cowardly failure she really is.


_**A/n: A one-shot about Gumi, since her songs have literally gotten me addicted to her. This will mainly be about the videos, "Coward Mont Blanc" and "Mosaic Roll". There will be slight Gumi/Sonika, and Gumi/Guy but only hints for the former, big hints I guess. lol **_

_**Enjoy, and I'll have my other fics updated soon. ;D **_

_**This is in the…Dark Gumi…(?)'s point of view, just so I don't confuse anyone.**_

_**Disclaimer (I always forget these...): I do not own Gumi, Dark Gumi (?) Sonika, guy or any Vocaloid...I wish I did. o3o**_

_**Forever Piercing You...**_

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It was him. Always him, wasn't it? You loved him to death, loved both him and her to death, so I've been wondering why…

Why haven't you done anything for yourself, by _yourself_? Why is it that she left, not wanting to be a part of _your_ mess? Why did he _leave? _Too many questions, Gumi. But that's alright, because I'm here. I'll always be here, right inside you, waiting for you to figure it out an answer. I'll be the target, as I always have been for your questions.

But I won't give you any answers or hints to them. Why? You silly girl…it's because I _hate _you. It was him who started all this, yes, but you were the one who hasn't acted on _anything_ since _that_ day. You've only clung to Sonika, you blamed him, but you didn't do anything to help yourself, did you?

I grew from that child you know. It's been ages since then, but I've grown up enough to see that you're nothing but a coward Gumi. Does that make me a coward because I'm a part of you? Who does it affect more, me or you?

You can't answer that though, because you don't _know_. You _never_ knew. I always had to be the one to sit back, and be hit by your mistakes. It was never _your _fault, just some small _accident_, right? Becoming pregnant, losing your loved ones, it just…happened, right? But it's all my fault, and always has been, Gumi. Always.

That's why I'll wait here. I'll wait here for as long as I have to, recollecting your mistakes, swallowing your pain, and becoming the true you. Once you come, that's when I shall give you your answers. But you must be strong, courageous. Above all, yourself.

Is it alright for me to just get rid of all these burdens for you instead? Just...kill them off and start anew? Wouldn't that be more easier for you? Yes?

Fooled you, didn't I? There's no such thing as resolve without action. You're always looking toward the easier way to finish things, and you were never really shown reality. That's why I can't _stand _you, Gumi...

Yowane Haku, know her? She knows true reality; a cold, stone-hard critic that always leaves you with burns and scars that haunt you. You both are the same, yet different…she knows she's a failure and doesn't do anything to _not_ show it, but you just keep your head up and act optimistically.

Why are you so _happy_? You were tainted, stained, ruined, abandoned! Yet you still act "happy" with your so-called, "friends". How do you know you can trust them? How do you know they won't go behind your back and hurt you? You don't, because you try it, and wait for some sort of result. Well you've waited too long, Gumi.

You're such an optimist, and you sing with such a happy tone, and those gleeful, misleading lyrics. People say you're the liveliest one! You believe that, don't you? You just follow what they say, and you don't falter, not one bit. You hide from yourself, and find a way to just…live.

But you can't live with a hateful, dark conscience, can you? You know I hide in the back of your mind, and repeatedly tell you how much you're worthless, cowardly, a mess. How long will you fight? Why can't you just _accept it_?

Accept that you're nothing without Sonika; she was the first one who brought a rainbow to those green, color blinded eyes. You two were almost like family, having the same looks, color of eyes, everything. Except that you two were different racially. Though that's such a small thing that doesn't need to be mentioned at all really. You loved her, and she loved you.

Sonika was the ripe apple of your dead tree; she brought life to you, she had shown you what it was like to skydive, gave you singing lessons, and gave you your first kiss if I remember correctly.

But once he came along, she became a bad apple, and you threw her into the bin, picking the whitest rose from the reddest batch next. He smiled at you, and in return you giggled lightly.

Once you got together, hell broke loose, and I became the target of a war.

I was just a small thing way back when. I couldn't hold scissors, I couldn't think, and I couldn't understand what was going on; until your purest white dress got stained with the brightest of bloods. The most permanent too.

My mind became dark and empty, only seeing the abyss of black I called my home, or your mind. You were so distraught about someone finding out, you needed something to hold in your pain and sadness, and you chose the closest person; me.

But when you told Sonika, I felt a part of me drift off, and I was happy for that moment, until you broke down and completely made her carry you like she always did. But when she couldn't take it anymore, she left you, but he made sure to stay, and you were happy. Happy to have someone coddle you again.

"_Even if it's true," _I'd constantly hear him say. _"It's alright." _

It was never alright, and you knew that. You had it all planned out; wait until it was really confirmed then get rid of it. But even if you had, it would still not be alright, not with the guilt and regret you would bear. I'd make sure of it.

When it was confirmed, you were crying on his shoulder, clinging to him while he scheduled the date. Which way was asked by him. You answered with a sob.

"_By needle."_

Were you even thinking at the time? Or were just trying to get Sonika back? That's why I hate you, Gumi. You make things seem so simple, but in reality, you just make more problems. But you said you loved me, you said you wouldn't be able to live without me. Was that all a lie? Or just something you needed to say to someone?

You finally came. When I saw you, I couldn't help but smile. You looked confused; so utterly confused I could actually feel a single beat from my heart pound. Just one. We loved each other, and this pair of scissors in my hands that I hold, I'll make sure you suffer just as much as everyone else has. We've all had you cling to us, to beg for help and guidance, but now you can walk on your own two feet I can see, I feel saddened that I might go because of it.

I feel you hesitate as you step closer to me. I feel you wanting someone to help you. It's a shame to see you like this, Gumi. You still need help from others, you still can't do _anything_ yourself; I'll let you free for it, just this once. But not without a small game. You seemed to lose after just a few hits, so I'll let you off.

Sonika, him, me. We're all the same you know. We all took some sort of pain and made you feel happy. We all loved you. You knew that, didn't you Gumi? You took advantage of us, all of us.

Sonika came back after a few years, and you made do without _him_ here for the longest time. I'm still here, mending the wound he's left. Sonika has made you happy, but not happy enough to make me disappear. You still haven't accepted or done anything yourself. I'll continue to call you worthless, a coward, a failure. As long as I remain in the depths of your mind, these scissors will forever be piercing you.

Stop looking at me like that. Your eyes, that shine…you make me sick, Gumi. Stop making me think differently about myself, yourself. Gumi. I know how reality is, you just think it's some sort of fairytale where your gallant prince swoops you off your feet…

Stop pretending to be so cheerful and just show your true self. Don't be like that Miku girl, or those twins. Always happy, always smiling-

"_You're wrong…"_

Stop denying the facts…you know what's true and what's a lie.

"_You don't know anything! You make life seem so terrible, it's not always like that!" _You sound angered, defeated, upset. Shouldn't you be smiling, now that Sonika is back? I hear nothing, so I guess I'm done for the day if that's what you want.

I'll let you win this time once again. But once your life goes rotten, you'll regret those words…but I'll make sure you love this hell called life.

I'll stab this ground, and these scissors will be waiting for you, Gumi. Once you know how to fully be a person, and not a small child, then we'll talk. But remember...

These scissors will forever be piercing you…

**_End_**

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_**A/n: I have no idea what I was doing…seriously, I don't. All I know is that these are "Gumi"'s true thoughts about herself, so basically she's scolding herself for being such a weakling. **_

_**I'm not sure if I should make it into a two-shot, next one being about Gumi thinking about her "dark" self. Not sure yet...your opinions?**_

_**Ja ne. **_


End file.
